


Disorder

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Body Dysmorphia, Eating Disorder, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t a disorder if he had control over it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disorder

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Set in Season 5. Blaine has an eating disorder, but he refuses to admit it. Marley’s recovery just pushes him further into denial. He believes he has control. It’s not until Kurt comes back to surprise him and finds him grabbing out fistfuls of hair does he realize how far gone he is.

It wasn’t a problem. 

Blaine just liked to look good. He liked to wear tight clothes. He liked to look the part of “dreamboat” as Santana called him. He liked to look in the mirror and like what he saw (he never did).

So he skipped a few meals. 

Big deal. 

What Marley had done was a disorder. He shuddered at the thought of sliding his fingers down his throat. It was messy and unrefined, everything he wasn’t. 

He was disciplined. Every time he lay in bed at night with hunger pains he just thought about how good he had been. Blaine remembered the food he didn’t eat and the treats he refused. 

The control always had a reward in the form of a lower number on the scale. 

When Kurt started talking to him again, he worked a little harder. Kurt would be coming back soon and he needed to be twenty pounds lighter. After the breakup he had let himself go a little and needed to fix it. 

Blaine worked out more, ate less, and the numbers started going down. 

For weeks, his life had been a chaotic mess and it felt so good to take back the controls. Blaine gritted his teeth through the hunger cramps and thought about how good it was going to feel to be in Kurt’s arms again without the extra padding of fat. 

Dinner wasn’t that important. He liked feeling hungry when he went to bed; it was a reminder that he was successful. 

It wasn’t a disorder. 

He still ate…just not a lot. 

Two days before Kurt arrived, he was still only sixteen pounds down. It was crunch time; he could lose four pounds in two days. He just had to drink, everything was empty calories anyway. 

The day that Kurt was supposed to arrive he was still a pound short and panicking. Blaine was dizzy and sick from not eating, heart dropping as he stared down at the scale. 

A weak sob burst from his lips and he tangled his own fingers into his hair, tugging hard. This was because of the binge last week. If he hadn’t lost focus this wouldn’t have happened.

“Blaine?” Kurt asked behind him, scaring him half to death. “Are you okay?” 

He had never felt more unattractive in his life standing in front of Kurt. He was shirtless, all the fat drooping off of him, and Kurt’s wide eyes were locked on the glowing numbers of the scale.

“Oh my God,” Kurt gasped. “Blaine-“

“It’s fine. I’m so close to my goal weight,” he choked out, wrapping his arms around his (fat, fat, fat) stomach. “I’ve been working so hard.”

“You look-“

_Fat._

_Obese._

_Disgusting._

“Sick, Blaine you look ill,” tears filled his eyes. “You’re underweight…I can see your ribs. What happened?” 

“I just wanted to lose some weight,” his stomach dropped when Kurt just looked horrified. “You’re not happy.”

“I didn’t expect to come home and find you…when was the last time your ate?” Kurt’s eyes drifted up and down his body. 

“Maybe…two and a half days ago…”

“That’s an eating disorder Blaine,” Kurt paled.

“No it’s not,” Blaine scoffed, taking a step back. “I have total control of it.”

The look of complete heartbreak in Kurt’s eyes made him doubt that statement for the first time.


End file.
